This is a blog post I started on Tuesday Sept 24th!!!!!! I had to delete parts of it b/c now it shares details we are not allowed to share until we are officially matched! But I wanted to invite you into part of the process of what has been happening in our hearts and minds over the past year. I have found myself writing blog posts that never get posted, emails that never get sent, and journal entires weekly for months trying to make sense of all that God was laying on our hearts. We knew something was stirring. We knew we were being prepared. But OH my goodness I had NO IDEA it would be this good!!!!!!!! (If you missed yesterday’s news click HERE )
“Sept 24th :
Hope, Risk, and New Chapters
“Hope and risk go hand in hand, you can not have one without the other.”~ Kim Barrett an adoptive momma
Oh those words. They penetrated right to my soul and were spoken on just the right day. The night before I read them, I cried myself to sleep after texting this phrase to my dear friend……………..“Maybe I am afraid to hope??”
Hope for what you ask???
Let me back up a bit and make my way back to that question.
We have four beautiful children through adoption. All with unique stories and all came to us in amazing miraculous ways. God led, stirred our hearts, affirmed, provided, directed, and moved each time it was time to grow the Ottinger clan again.
Over the years we have fallen in love and felt drawn to many other children. Some we have prayed for and some we have advocated for. I take very seriously the business of my heart being drawn and connected to a child. It does not happen to every child I see……even though Mark might disagree on this point =). I decided a long time ago I was going to open my hands to the Lord, lay my plans at His feet, and give Him my heart. I try not to ignore the Holy Spirit’s prompting. If I feel drawn to a child, I pray and listen to what, if anything, I am to “do” with those feelings. He is always faithful to lead me in some way.
We have even opened our home to a few at risk children over the last few years and cared for them short-term. All the while, waiting and listening to the Lord’s plans for our family and being honest with our hearts/feelings/desires along the way.
The last few years have been full and we have heard the Lord say nothing but advocate, step into short-term local needs, provide the medical and emotional care that our children need, pay down medical bills and debt, and we have felt like our time and attention is to be focused on serving the local body of believers and supporting other adoptive and foster families.
We felt very clearly that we were to “grow deep roots” in every area of our life. To rest in this season of Dax’s health being stable. To continue to love and support our beautiful daughters as they grow into young ladies. To support and help Camden walk the road of more medical challenges that have occurred as he is growing into a young man. It has been a wild, wonderful, and blessed several years.
But we have kept our hands open. Yes, we have closed them on occasion because we got tired and comfortable or our plates feel full and we dreamt about future days of ease and rest. But then the Lord, in His amazing gentle way, nudged us to open them back up to His plans. His ways. So we did. And then we kept striving to live in the present. Being with our children. Loving one another to the best of our ability. But always wondering if He would ever lead us to add another “forever Ottinger”.
********* deleted details of a few children we have fallen in love with—–one of which is our Little Miss***********
All the while, God was setting the stage for the next chapter. As with any new chapter, when you first start to read it you have no idea what it will hold, but you have hope that the story will end the way you envision. But you just don’t know.
That is where we are. Giving the Lord the Ottinger family story and allowing Him to write another new chapter.
But honestly, we are TERRIFIED. This is not a new feeling. We have experienced it before. There is always a goodness and hope when we push through it. But the fear is there none the less.
*********more deleted details*******
This is what led me to text “Maybe I am afraid to hope?”
Mountains would have to move. Crazy things would have to fall into place. Money would need to be raised. Home repairs need to be made. A home study would need to be completed. People would have to be told. We would have to HOPE. All for a POSSIBILITY. No guarantee. A crazy risk. Some might even say a ridiculous presumption. That maybe one of these precious children MIGHT be our child. We would have to start the process with very little chance we could be matched (IE – specify to adopt a specific child)
So why are we risking? Because as Kim B. so well stated “Hope and risk go hand in hand. You can not have one without the other”.
So we are following the Lords leading of our hearts and we are stepping out. We have NO IDEA what will happen and unfold as we enter into this next chapter. But we are sure of the ONE WHO IS LEADING. We are SURE of HIS FAITHFULNESS of HIS PROMISES and that HE IS TRUST WORTHY. We are sure HE KNOWS the END of this chapter.
We have gone down this adoption road before, and we know from our own experience that it can take many turns. But we also know we must, at some point, take the first step. So we are. We are taking the first step to adopt from China.”
((((BUT HUGE NOTE HERE>>>WE ACTUALLY DID NOT START<<<<<< God told us to WAIT!!!!!!! So we did))))))
Then we GOT A CALL NOV 5th about HER!!!! THE ONE we had “no guarantee we could get”. YEP we got offered an opportunity to look at her file!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MY GOODNESS LORD!!! Your ways are too high for me to fathom and too amazing for me to imagine. You hold every detail in the safe palm of your hand. YOU SEE and KNOW the beginning and the end.