Broken Hallelujah (an update)

(For the back story to this post read Beards, Tambourines, Seas, Baby Boys……)

We debated sharing our hearts for Baby Boy with the world in the above mentioned post.

We debated long and hard for weeks and weeks, but we ultimately decided the story that is being written is not all ours.

The story is not all about us.

The story will unfold chapter by chapter moving and flowing full of highs and lows, hopes and dreams, joys and sorrows.

We do not know the end but we know the author.

We know His character.

We know His promises.

We know His heart.

We know His voice and what He is whispering to us.

We know He is leading us to take the next step but nothing more.

So we wade into deep waters uncertain of the journey ahead.

We invite those who want to follow along to go with us.

To pray with us.

To hope with us.

We decided to be vulnerable.

To hope out loud. To risk. To speak.

To give Him everything.

This week, we learned that Baby Boy has been matched with a forever family and that family is not ours.

We know some of the details. It is beyond a beautiful story. It is nothing less than amazing. The evidence of God’s hand cannot be denied. We cannot share…b/c it is not our story to share. But we are in awe of the portrait He is painting.

We have wept. A lot.

We have grieved. Hard.

When you love and hope with deep passion you experience deep loss.

This picture is the pile of tissues Mo, Mia (who longed for him to be her brother) and I created as we wept together and cried out to the Lord to heal our broken hearts.

photo-13

 

As we drove to church Sunday morning, we heard the song Broken Hallelujah by The Afters.  Mia turned to me and said “Mom this is my Baby ________’s song”.

What a beautiful expression of our heart. If you have not heard it take a sec and check it out….click to listen to Broken Hallelujah on YouTube

“You know the things that have brought me here. You know the story of every tear. Cause You’ve been here from the very start. Even though I don’t know what Your plan is. I know You make beauty from these ashes. I’ve seen joy and I’ve seen pain. And on my knees I call Your name. Here’s my broken Hallelujah”

We will stand broken-hearted, trusting Him, with our tambourines in hand and sing Hallelujah.

God in His gentle sweetness has already started to reveal His bigger plan and purpose to us, but it is not time for that just yet =).

Stay tuned for the next chapter…….we think it is going to be a glorious unfolding….

I am keeping my tambourine in hand…

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Mo is letting his beard continue to grow…

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We are waiting…

We are listening…

We are holding our hands open…

We are hoping…

We are clinging…

We are offering our Broken Hallelujahs.

Tona

4 thoughts on “Broken Hallelujah (an update)

  1. Praying for strength and healing!! Having lost ourselves my heart grieves with you…….. The pain is deep……

    But praying and believing with you for Joy to come in the morning and have that tambourine shaking knowing God is an Amazing author!!!!!!

  2. Pingback: Bye Bye Beard and Shaking Tambourines | Tona Ottinger

  3. Pingback: Taking off my mask and letting the grief ooze on out…. | Tona Ottinger

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