I am NO Homeschooling Yoda

A few months back a friend called me “Yoda” She is new to homeschooling and we had been exchanging texts about what to use for this or that subject, how to organize the day, where to store the ridiculous number of books that start arriving on your door step in July. Last week, the UPS guy said “Getting ready for your school year?” as he delivered the 3rd box that week. “Yep. See you tomorrow.” I digress….back to the topic at hand…. I AM NO HOMESCHOOLING YODA (even if I am beginning to resemble him a bit…time to hit the gym!!!) So let’s dispel that myth…. I didn’t dream of homeschooling. I didn’t see myself doing this. I am not some special form of wonder woman in a homeschooling jumper. I don’t love every minute of it. I don’t wake up with rainbows flowing out of my ears and candy colored sprinkles flowing out of my life giving mouth as I say every word with kindness and grace. Most mornings I look a bit more like a mac truck sideswiped me as I stumble to the kitchen for coffee, while the children scatter like roaches getting out of mom’s way until the second cup has worked it’s magic. Homeschooling is what I need to do. For our kids. For our family. For me. (Not saying everyone should) Some seasons I find great joy and satisfaction in it. Some seasons it takes every bit I have to give and I fake it until we barely make it. I have learned a lot over the years. Most of that is about me. How selfish I can be. How harsh I can be. How controlling I can be. How hard on myself I can be. How hard on my kids and husband I can be. How I love to start new things and stink at finishing them. How I love to create systems and structure and struggle to keep it up. How I long for easy solutions and quick fixes. I have learned to NEVER say NEVER. I have learned to listen to my gut and the whispers of the Holy Spirit as I make decisions concerning our kids (among other things). I am learning to stop comparing (notice I said learning….man I struggle with this one) US to THEM or ME to HER or HIM to HIM or HER to HER. Because that lands me in some dark and yucky places. I am learning to keep my eyes focused on the ONE who entrusted us with them. Knowing I would stumble and struggle and not have all I needed on my own….then I would seek HIM. He KNOWS. He SEES. He is full of grace and hope and compassion and truth and provision. I am learning GRACE. How to give it and how to receive it. I have spent way to much money trying to sift my way through the sea of decisions on curriculum. Far too many times, I bought into the hope that this one book or method or way will solve all our problems and finally get Jimmy (BTW – that is the name I give all my kids) to learning those (insert a long BLEEP) multiplication facts or get Billy (BTW – that is also the name I give all my kids) to read. Some things work better for one kid than another. I have learned to be a student of my kids. Asking the Lord to help me see THEM. What do they need? How do their brains (and bodies) learn best? What is going on in their heart? And I can’t figure that one out on my own. I NEED the one who SEES and KNOWS to help a momma out. And guess what….I don’t always like the answers….or the solutions…..because they often require more of me….learning a new way to teach a struggling learner…having to give extra time and energy and money….pouring out more of myself. In the past 11 yrs of doing this thing, some years I have knocked in out of the park. Some years I have knocked my head up against a wall repeatedly. But here is the thing….I don’t regret either year. And I can’t really remember which was which. Because guess what?? We survived them all. The kids are still alive. And I think they still like me and have a desire to learn. And I grew in the process. That is winning over here. So maybe I am Yoda. And maybe you are too. You GOT THIS. He has YOU. He has THEM. And WE have COFFEE. Tona

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